Finally posting without a month in between. Orange you glad to see me? Watermelon you exhilarated to read this post? Apple? Pinapple? Pen Pineapple Apple Pen? GOD I'm in love with myself sometimes.
The primary life event in my past two weeks was a family trip to Gatlinburg, Tennesee. Now you get to hear about all of my family lore. Gatlinburg is sort of like Vegas: there's some cool scenery right outside, driving everywhere is terrible, there's a bunch of stores dedicated to trying to rip you off, and the weather is often unpleasant. Gatlinburg, however, has less gambling, less homeless people, and more Dolly Parton influence.
The first day of the trip was on a Saturday. After packing, I took a six hour drive from Saint Paul to Dubuque. I have relatives down in Dubuque, Iowa, so I met there on Saturday, in preparation for a 12 hour drive on Sunday. I decided to take the scenic route, and took Wisconsin State Trunk Highway 35 all the way down the west coast of the Mississippi river. It was a very scenic drive, with many bluffs overlooking the Mississippi. There were so many beautiful overlooks that I actually stopped stopping, because stopping every two miles at each overlook would artificailly inflate my drive time. I also stopped at Kwik Trip four times: I stopped in Prescott for breakfast, Alma for gas ($2.79 a gallon), La Crosse for a snack and a drink, and Prairie Du Chein to take a leak. I stopped a fifth time at a different gas station in order to buy Spotted Cow to bring to the cabin.
It is always nice to arrive at a relative's house and catch up for a while. I hadn't seen my cousin or her husband in about a year. Her older child is smart with some sass, her younger child is a complete menace. My cousin bought a fairly new Chevy Tahoe in order to tow her boat, which she bought due to the price of admission at the public pool. After discussing my current issues with my job, we enjoyed a dinner of BLTs, and I kicked my second cousin's ass at Mario Kart with little to no experience. We got to bed at 9, as we would be leaving at 3 AM the next morning.
My phone alarm woke me up at around 2:40 AM on Sunday. My cousin from Des Moines was meeting us in Dubuque with her husband, and I was going to ride with them due to their additional car space. Very tired, I dragged my crap into their car, and we set off at 3 AM along US 61. The small talk continued; both my cousin and her husband work from home most days, and they have a 12 year old dog in somewhat poor health. They spoil their dogs. It was a fairly uneventful drive, with a breakfast at Waffle House. The only remarkable thing is that all of my extended family in Iowa drive rather aggressively. We would regularly go 82 on the freeway, with my cousin being very careful and slowing to a modest 77 as we hit the mountains in Kentucky and Tennesee.
We eventually hit the cabin at around 6 PM. After waiting for my immediate family to arrive from Chicago, we had hamburgers, hot dogs, and polish sausage. Then we went to bed.
On Monday we hit the Salt and Pepper Shaker Museum, then hit downtown Gatlinburg. I had a lovely moonshine tasting, and ended up with a jar of blackberry moonshine, and a jar of margarita moonshine, in order to make my Baja Blast (which apparently now gives me stomach problems) alcoholic. I was the only person in my family to dislike the Salt and Pepper Shaker Museum. It felt fairly chinsy, and not that well taken care of. There were signs taped up in the display cases about them being showcased on a future episode of Unwrapped on the Food Network... twenty years ago. To be real with you, I had to look up if the host Marc Summers was still around.
On Tuesday, we hit some fairly expensive minigolf, where I either got my ass kicked, or suffered because of my brother's poor scoring skills. We then saw the Ripley's Aquarium of the Smokies, which was all in all a fairly good aquarium, but I have my doubts about it being done in the name of aquatic wildlife. The entire place was laid out like an Ikea, and there was really only one path to walk through. I would have preferred a more traditional, museum-like layout. After seeing that, my entire family got sloshed, and I watched my brother attempt to do a "Bop It" (children's toy) in a very gentle manner, drunk off his ass. Truly a great family bonding moment. We also had tacos for dinner, I think.
On Thursday, we started with a brief excursion into the Smoky Mountain National Park, and climbed up Kuwohi, recently renamed to its Native American name. My dad thought the text on the signs was Arabic. It was a grueling walk that afforded a great view, but I definitely felt it for the rest of the day. Speaking of the rest of the day, I made special attention to stare at the road as to not get carsick, because no roads run straight in the Smokies. I actually had to concentrate on the centerline and think, "don't vomit don't vomit don't vomit..."
After a journey to the Smokies, my brother, sister, and I had our annual tradition: Birthday Steak. We'd always forget to buy each other birthday gifts, so we'd buy each other cheap lunch. We realized that instead of buying a total of four cheap lunches, we can get one expensive dinner for ourselves, which we started doing. We went to the Peddler Steakhouse in Gatlinburg, and I enjoyed a 12 ounce ribeye, served rare. I was made fun of for my raw looking steak, but enjoyed it a lot. I also really liked the salad bar. I then forgot what we did for the rest of the night. Maybe drink. I might have laid down for a while.
On Thursday we went to Dollywood. The barbecue pork fries were actually really good, as well as the dog show. Otherwise it was all roller coasters. I had a habit of agreeing to ride things, then immediately before boarding, realize there are 4 inversions, and ride it anyways because I already went through the trouble of waiting in line. I got my $82 worth at Dollywood; the park was very well maintained, the few staff I interacted with treated me very well, and it benefits the local economy. My only gripe is that I would have liked to stay all the way to close to get my money's worth. There's always next time.
On Friday, we went to some overpriced sky park with a bridge in Gatlinburg. I learned there that I am afraid of suspension bridges when they shake, as well as ski lifts. Maybe I am not truly fearless. At least I'm not my brother, who was pissing himself all the way down the mountain on the ski lift. I would not reccomend the skybridge at Gatlinburg; they seem obsessed with trying to get you to buy overpriced concessions and knick knacks. They will hunt you down and sell you the picture they took of you at the top. Get that out of my face. Let me see the kiosk. We then went to a cherry specialty store, which was interesting; the older woman was selling Sprecher products for a fairly expensive price, but I realized that that's probably the only place to get it as far as Tennesee. Guess you never know what's out there until you've seen it. We had some prime rib for dinner, then rode a mountain coaster. My mom was a daredevil, taking it at 15 miles an hour. Everyone else did at least 25. We went to bed early, and drove home.
On Saturday, I drove home with my older cousin from Dubuque, who works at a bread factory. We're both fairly introverted, so we didn't talk too much, but he's an interesting guy and left me alone while I slept. Those who have read this blog understand I am autistic about White Castle Mustard. If I forgot to post it, well, now you know. We stopped for lunch at an Indianapolis-region White Castle, and I was served Horseradish mustard, which is neither the Dusseldorf they serve in Chicagoland (where I grew up), nor the Heinz Yellow they serve at the castles in the Twin Cities. I am inspired to do more research. I ended up back at my other cousin's house around 9 PM, where they got Papa Johns. I now recognize that I hate Papa John's sauce, as their buffalo chicken pizza was actually very good.
On Sunday, I had a long drive back from Dubuque to Saint Paul, this time on the Iowa side. I stopped at several overlooks, including one in the humorously named Balltown, Iowa, and eventually made it home, did some grocery shopping, and cooked some dinner. Lunds and Byerly's is kind of pricey, but I need to know if it's more so than Cub Foods.
On general happenings in my life, I still want to bounce from my day job, and I will probably come out to my family some time this week by making a public post on Instagram. Stay tuned.