I kept procrastinating on what to put on this blog for a while. I either didn't have the time, or really didn't have anything to post. In summary, I no longer hate my day job because they gave me more money and the project I was on is pretty much finished until they try to build the thing. I live on the floor below my best friend in the same apartment building, and got new tires.
I guess the biggest elephant in the room is the topic of my gender crisis. Things have come to a bit of a head. I have a female name selected and am trying she/her pronouns, though I am still not certain they are right for me. I am recognizing that I am probably bigender; I can reasonably fit into both traditional buckets. I like a lot of what the traditional opposite sex (female) has to offer but currently reject none of my gender identity or pronouns. There was nothing wrong with he/him, so I am relatively unmotivated to strip that part of myself away. Funny what growing long hair does to somebody There is a very beautiful woman inside of me. The question at this point is if she is the fundamental or the second harmonic.
In lighter news, I have started playing bass trombone in the Minnesota Freedom Band. The director gives me Leslie Knope energy and picks music that sometimes challenges me, which I appreciate. The trombone section is made up of 15 lovely people including myself. I don't know all of their names, but it is a healthy blend of young queer people who are easy and fun to talk to, and old people who get up to normal community band shenanigans (though these ones aren't comically racist). What's interesting is that a lot of the older people have connections to history and how they felt as queer people in the seventies. One of the other trombone players lived in the Castro neighborhood of San Francisco in the 1970's and told me he goes back there every year. Apparently there's some nice camera store he lived near? Another compared the current ICE raids to the Kent State shooting. It's interesting to have someone who has experienced these historic events and can use them to contextualize the present, who doesn't have political views warped towards racism and xenophobia.
I am currently in San Jose for Further Confusion. I have attended none of the convention festivities, but instead took the time to go to the Computer History Museum and walk around Stanford University. The Computer History Museum is probably one of the best museums I've been to, period. I was in there for four hours and had to leave before they closed without seeing anything. If you're even remotely interested in computers or have some vague idea on how electricity works, it is worth every penny and five hours of your time. I promise you. I then took a walk around the Google campus afterwards, went to In-n-Out, and then fell asleep in the hotel room.
More existentially, I went to Stanford University. Initially it was to see the Herbert Hoover tower and the Lou Henry Hoover house, both of which I had heard about from the Herbert Hoover Presidential Library. However, I walked all around the campus, from the quad to the bookstore, and it was absolutely beautiful. I almost felt like I was in another country with all of the old buildings, architecture, and excessive bike usage. There were so many people on their bikes, I had issues crossing the street. It made me wonder what my life would have been like had I tried to get into Stanford or Harvard or something. I know I could have had I applied myself, but I feel like I shortchanged my future because I was too focused on wanting a job after graduation. I wouldn't give up the friends I made at the Milwaukee School of Engineering for the world. However, there will always be that little part of me asking, "what if I went to Stanford and contributed more besides getting a steady job in an unpopular industry?"
As a Midwesterner, I dump on California a lot, on account of it lighting on fire, having no water, or flooding nearly every year. Having walked around San Jose and the surrounding areas, I am honestly kind of sad I don't live here. Yeah the traffic sucks, but the smell is amazing, and there's just a certain vibe I never felt before in any large city. If I were in a spot to where everyone I know walked away, and I needed somewhere to get a new start and a completely new social circle, I'd honestly start here, because I just really enjoy being here. However, I have family and very valuable friends at home in the Midwest. I kind of want to live near San Jose, but I recognize that it's not worth living in the perfect location if you don't have any friends.
I will probably give more updates after Further Confusion. These are just the stream of consciousness thoughts I have while my hair dries out. Did you know that if you usually walk 1,000 steps a day, and you suddenly walk 20,000, your legs stop working? I learned that today!